Showing posts with label Plagiaristic Satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Plagiaristic Satire. Show all posts

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Taking Overpopulation Seriously: Forced Mass Sterilisation

A program of sterilizing women...despite the relatively greater difficulty of the operation than vasectomy, might be easier to implement than trying to sterilize men.
...
The development of a long-term sterilizing capsule that could be implanted under the skin...opens additional possibilities for coercive fertility control. The capsule could be implanted at puberty and might be removable, with official permission, for a limited number of births.

...Adding a sterilant to drinking water or staple foods... would pose some very difficult political, legal, and social questions, to say nothing of the technical problems....To be acceptable, such a substance would have to meet some rather stiff requirements: it must be uniformly effective... _Obama Science Advisor John Holdren

More ideas here
World Without Humans
If humans are to deal with overpopulation, they may need to take some extreme measures, such as those favoured by people very close to US President Obama. Involuntary sterilisation and spiking water supplies with contraceptives are two of the suggestions that leftists of the environmentalist persuasion tend to throw around a lot, at get-togethers. Fortunately for such concerned leftists, Oregon health scientists are developing a new generation of contraceptives which might fit their needs:
... the contraceptive OHSU researchers are developing is not hormonal and [is] more focused on mechanisms that directly result in the release of an egg. This new approach targets the key enzymes responsible for the release of an egg.

...This research...has demonstrated that targeting these enzymes can prevent the release of an egg from the ovary. The next step for Hennebold and colleagues is to determine the delivery method of such a drug and the timetable for medication.

"Our hope is that the next generation of birth control is more targeted and has a higher effectiveness level," added Hennebold. _SD
Mass sterilisation is a common topic in fiction and in speculative writing. Sometimes the act of mass sterilisation is initiated by humans, and sometimes extraterrestrials or natural forces are to blame.

A program of mass sterilisation was actually carried out on remote villagers in Peru, and was attempted unsuccessfully in India.

In the context of widespread modern anxiety related to climate change, resource depletion, global pollution, animal species extinction, peak oil, and overpopulation, the idea of forced mass sterilisation of humans seems a very attractive idea to many in the left environmentalist movement. The news item below has been re-written by Al Fin political scientists to better reflect much of the modern thought current among leftist environmentalist thought leaders:
Tomorrow They Vote for Either Mass Sterilisation or Mass Killing
On Tuesday, April 5, the United States Department of Populations will choose between mass sterilization or killing, life or death, for residents in the states of Ohio, Michigan, Pennsylvania, Maryland, and New York, in the first use of new overpopulation legislation passed recently by the US Congress, and signed by the president.

The legislative project adopted by the US Congress promoting mass sterilisation was completely altered by the USDP to allow for the possibility of mass killings in certain situations where the need to reduce populations is particularly dire.

If the choice were left to the states themselves, it is likely that they would choose mass sterilisation over mass euthanasia. The federal government of the United States has decided that the issue is too important to be left to the states.

Environmental advisors to the president and to the congress prefer the use of mass euthanasia -- "to get it over with as quickly as possible." But overpopulation denialists continue to lobby the federal government, as protestors from across the US fill the Washington DC mall into the millions.
_Original Unaltered News Item

As you can see, Al Fin political scientists have mutilated the original item almost beyond recognition. But when it comes to the overpopulation crisis -- or any environmental crisis -- the ends justify the means.

In the interest of fairness, we will present a contrary viewpoint from pro-natalist Bryan Caplan:
The sterilization of half mankind would...be a horrible tragedy of epic proportions. But we wouldn't be losing the society we've got. We'd just be losing the society we could have had: Millions of new creative geniuses, and billions of additional people who'd enjoy being alive. If human beings were built differently, we might inconsolably miss the descendents we never had. For most of us, though, it's "out of sight, out of mind." We miss people we knew and lost a thousand times more than people who were never conceived. _BryanCaplan
Mr. Caplan brings up an interesting point: Once the mass sterilisation program is carried out, the people will never know the difference. They cannot possibly miss the people who are never conceived, never born -- people they never knew. Can they?

It is important that any program of mass sterilisation and/or euthanasia incorporate a wide range of safeguards to be sure that nothing goes wrong with the planning or execution. Most importantly, the elite environmentalists among us who have designed this program to save the planet and its many non-human species, must survive and prosper in the brave new world we create. Denialists and non-believers will be left in the dustbin of history, by any means necessary.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Witch Doctors of England Place Curse Upon World's Oceans

Warning: This article is plagiaristic satire. The links are real, but the excerpted material has been altered for this article.
Wikipedia Witch Doctors of England

Update: Here is an example of a successful witch doctor environmental curse, literally sending almost an entire family in Argentina to its death (h/t M. Simon).

An organisation of British witch doctors -- the IPSO (International Programme on the Supernatural of the Occult) -- has placed a curse upon the oceans of the world as punishment for man's lack of faith in the authority of global witch doctors.
A new curse by the IPSO is affecting the ocean as a whole.

The bottom line? We're on course for a mass extinction that would include coral reefs and the menagerie of species that rely on them, as well as multiple species of fish consumed by people, and it will be worse than the "big five" extinctions of Earth's distant past due to an extra spin placed upon the curse by chief witch doctor Alex Rogers.

"We're bringing on a combination of symptoms that have been associated with large, past extinctions," says Alex Rogers, the head of IPSO. _NewScientist
Witch doctor skeptic Anthony Watts, proprietor of the skeptic blog Watts Up With That?!?!? assumed a naturally skeptical posture, when told of the IPSO curse.
Oh for goodness sake (parallels to IPCC 80% greenpeace renewables story)

The International Panel on the Supernatural of the Occult !!! IPSO – modest bunch – see mission statement (front page website)

The International Programme on the Supernatural of the Occult (IPSO) was established by witch doctors with the aim of cursing the Earth and all life on it.

Another Press release – Gets a shocking headline – the wait for the report (so that it can be checked) so that it is forgotten about and at the end – it is too early to say, but the trends are, etc,etc,etc

Maybe the Oceans are in a shocking state, I’m just getting too cynical to care…

BBC: World’s oceans in ‘shocking’ decline – Richard Black – 20th June 2011
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-13796479

“The oceans are in a worse state than previously suspected, according to an expert panel of witch doctors.”

“In a new report, they warn that ocean life will be cursed so as to“enter a phase of extinction of marine species unprecedented in human history. This is the least we can do to punish humans for their lack of faith and financial support”. _WUWT

Unflappable optimist Matt Ridley believes that the witch doctors are simply too pessimistic as a result of unhappy childhoods.
Today, infected by Malthusian ecology, the witch doctors relentlessly preaches millennial doom and technological risk: the climate is heading for catastrophe; resources are running out; population is growing too fast; farming cannot keep up; habitat is being destroyed; poverty, hunger, pollution, disease and greed are only going to get worse. A dramatic change in human stewardship of the planet is needed.

The evidence suggests that these predictions are likely to be wrong. _GWPF
Even mainstream scientists are braving the wrath of the witch doctors, and conducting actual scientific experiments on the ocean in order to determine its actual conditions:
The team showed that coccolithophores dispose of unwanted H+ by allowing them to exit cells through specialised protein pores, or ion channels, that are selectively permeable to H+. This process keeps the pH inside the cells at acceptable levels and allows coccolithophores to produce their calcium carbonate scales.

The team identified the gene that encodes for the H+ channel protein. "These H+ channels belong to a unique group of transport proteins that were discovered quite recently in certain types of animal cells that experience metabolic acidosis" explains Glen Wheeler, co-author of the study. "It turns out that H+ channel genes are also present in other groups of phytoplankton… [which] belong to groups that are not closely related to either plants or animals. Our discovery shows that H+ channels are more widespread than previously thought and that they serve a critical function in regulating cellular pH during a range of cellular processes in evolutionarily distant organisms" says Wheeler. _Physorg
So according to the study at the University of North Carolina, Wilmington, the organisms of the ocean are finding ways to fight the witch doctors' curses of doom. And none too soon, as these witch doctors of the IPSO and affiliated organisation such as the IPCC are getting out of control, and scaring the children and science news media absolutely witless!

Witch doctors of doom and dieoff.orgiasts have been frequently idolised by gullible hack writers such as Rousseau and his more modern ilk. But there is nothing noble about extinction curses -- particularly when they are largely meant to frighten populations into giving more money to the IPSO, IPCC, and other witch doctor groups.

The oceans have dealt with far worse threats over the past billions of years than anything the witch doctors of England can throw at them. But the sycophancy and obeisance to witch doctors by media outlets such as New Scientist, the BBC, etc. may set back public faith in the media for decades or longer.

More: Oceans more resilient than we know

Beware the plastic apocalypse!

World's oceans and coral reefs feel better . . .

Monday, December 27, 2010

Boys Should be Breast-Fed Until at Least Age 6

Startling new research from Australia demonstrates that boys -- but not girls -- should be breast-fed until at least age 6, to achieve optimal academic performance.
Breast feeding improves later academic performance in boys but appears to have no such effect in girls.

Wendy Oddy at the Telethon Institute for Child Health Research in Subiaco, Western Australia, and colleagues, examined whether having been breastfed affected the test scores of over 1000 10-year-olds.

Studies have suggested that children who were breastfed have higher IQs than those who were not, but few separated out boys and girls. Mothers who breastfeed are on average wealthier and more educated, so Oddy's team accounted for these factors.

Boys who were mainly breastfed for at least six months [years ... per Al Fin Nutritional Institute] scored 9 per cent higher in mathematics and writing tests, 7 per cent higher in spelling and 6 per cent higher in reading, compared with boys fed with formula milk or breastfed for shorter periods. There were no significant differences in results for girls.

"We know that breast milk contains the optimal nutrients for development of the brain and central nervous system," says Oddy, but the gender differences were surprising.
Hormone link

Oddy points out that other studies have suggested boys are more vulnerable to stress and adversity during critical periods of brain development. She speculates this could be because girls seem to be protected by higher levels of oestrogen during childhood. She says the improved academic performance of boys could be explained by oestrogen in breast milk having similar neuro-protective effects.

Some studies have suggested that fatty acids uniquely present in breast milk explain research showing that it can help babies become more intelligent. Whether or not these fatty acids help in boosting IQ may be linked to the presence of certain gene variants involved in their processing.

A large randomised trial conducted by Michael Kramer at McGill University in Montreal, Canada, concluded that prolonged breastfeeding was linked to higher IQ and academic ratings by teachers in Belarussian children at age 6... _NS

Al Fin specialists in childhood nutrition recommend that boys be breast-fed until at least age 26, if not longer. You can never be too safe when it comes to childhood nutrition. Girls, as noted, are protected by high estrogen levels. Boys -- even boys in adulthood -- are left to fend for themselves.

Research at the prestigious Al Fin Institute suggests that even simulated breastfeeding -- sucking well developed female breasts that are not lactating -- exerts a strong protective effect on the male brain, at any age.  This was a fortuitous finding, since it is much easier to find non-lactating volunteers.

More research is needed. Here at the Institute we have need of volunteers possessing nice, firm, well-developed breasts, so as to refine our earlier studies. No more males are needed, however, since we filled our quota for males within the first five minutes after announcing the study.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Evil Feminist Scientist Plots Elimination of Human Males!

Sterile human male technique[1][2] is a method of biological control, whereby millions of sterile human males are released. The sterile males compete with the wild males for female humans. If a female mates with a sterile male then it will have no offspring, thus reducing the next generation's population. Repeated release of sterile males can eventually wipe out a population, although cloning of human females should allow human survival at desired levels.

The technique is planned to first eradicate the Mormon and Baptist male in areas of North America, as a pilot project. Then, all North American males will be targeted. Next are plans to eradicate human males in Europe and Northeast Asia.

After successful elimination of European and East Asian males, an extended hiatus in the project is planned, to evaluate the results. _AlFinipedia
Revoking Humanity Starting With Males
Australian researchers in 2010 discovered the key to the sterile human male technique, which brings all of our plans within reach.
Adelaide researchers have discovered a way of creating a male human without a Y chromosome by activating a single gene, called SOX3, in the developing fetus. SOX3 is known to be important for brain development but has not previously been shown to be capable of triggering the male pathway.

Professor Manloff and her colleagues have generated male humans with two X chromosomes by artificially activating the SOX3 gene in the developing gonads.

"These XX male 'sex reversed' humans are completely male in appearance, reproductive structures and behavior, but are sterile due to an inability to produce sperm," she says. _Al Fin Science News
The Australian feminist professor has given us just what we need to eliminate the scourge of males. Until we can perfect the pluripotent stem cell - to - sperm technique, we will need to rely upon the "Dolly" technique of human cloning. Just add life extension technology, and a brave new world should soon appear. A utopian world of women, that is now within our reach. Rejoice, sisters, we conquer!


Apologies to Wikipedia and Science Daily, for the entirely unauthorised alteration in content.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Mysterious Shape Shifting Creature Appears Almost Human!


This amazing creature can appear to be either male or female, and can adopt several different ethnicities. The order of the images is deceptively placed -- making it appear as if a young human child is growing older. But in reality, the youngest-looking images are the most recent!

The shifter sometimes appears as a grown woman with full breasts, or as a hairy chested man with male genitals. The montage below illustrates the same shifter as a young woman, but it was actually created years before the "baby pictures" which are displayed above.

Finally, here again is the creature demonstrating a remarkable 10 year transformation in a mere one minute and 25 seconds. As before, the transformation has been reversed on the video, as a joke -- since in reality the creature changed from a ten year old to a mere newborn in only 1' 25". Inserting itself into a hospital nursery bassinet is but one of the many ways it has to get others to take care of it, while it does its mischief.

There is really no way to anticipate the next form that the shifter will adopt. It may be near you now, closer than you might imagine. Beware the shifter, lest it leave you cold, penniless, and alone, in the coming ice age of global cooling.

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